February 7, 2012
We’ll I guess it is official. I hate myself. I mean, I must. Since the last time I actually wrote down my eating (and just barely at that) which was during my mildly successful Candida cleanse (candida seemingly gone, fat…still here), I’ve been eating…sugar…and gluten…and dairy. All shit that hates me…so why would I put it in my body, if I don’t hate myself? More on this later.
To be fair, a part of it is convenience…which is always a barrier, even when I’m committed to eating well. If it wasn’t for the fact that I live in an environment where I CAN side-step the barrier by dropping an ungodly amount of money for a salad or somesuch at Whole Foods ($15 or more FOR LUNCH), this would have actually crippled all of my efforts thus far. Its not that I can’t make my own foods, but I’ve got a lifetime of training to err toward convenience in my food selections—See “Lean Cuisine” which did not keep me lean and isn’t a cuisine, btw.
Furthermore, I’m pretty sure American lifestyles and foodways are centered around convenience entirely now. Not only is the pace of life SUPERFUCKINGFAST, driven by my personality, my job, and some societal conditioning, but if I happen to be, you know, hungry, HUNGRY, or hangry, I’ll pass about 800 shitty but convenient options, before I get home to make some chicken with my severely unhoned cooking skills. Fortunately, I can choose Whole Foods or Zen or Tacodeli…but even those things are starting to catch up with me. I mean, I bought an Almond Horn at Whole Foods with my eggs the other morning. Am I fucking insane? I didn’t work this hard crafting an eating plan, losing weight, etc to fucking fall to an Almond Horn! That’s bread, dammit! With sugar. …I know what you are thinking. A bitch should be able to eat some bread here or there! Well not this bitch. And I know it already. Bread leads to more bread. And it did. I had a Chick-Fil-A sin today that involved bread. And you know what? I got it in the drive-thru. And then later I had HEB sushi to go—with white rice. (Don’t judge. This is excellent supermarket sushi… albeit with HFCS.) And I was mad too cause you have to get out of the car for that. Where’s my sushi drive thru? Fuckit. I’d settle for a sushi drive-in.
It’ll never happen, but what we need is for healthy to be the most convenient and aggressively marketed thing. If there was a big lettuce head sign off the highway, and I could pull up and order some healthy shit, I might do it.
“Welcome to Kale and Other Shit You Should Eat. May I take your healthy ass order?”
“Yeah…umm…I’ll have one free range chicken platter with a…um…let’s see…a quinoa. Yeah, one quinoa please.”
“Did you want to make it a meal deal by adding kale and a detoxifying tea?”
“Yeah, that sounds great. Can I jumbo size that kale?”
“You sure can, cause that’s a healthful choice FULL of nutrition. Now are you a protein type? Cause we can include some dark meat and increase the amount of chicken. We don’t want you to be under calorie or lose your awesome muscle mass!”
“Yes, please.”
“OK that’s one chicken platter, dark and hearty. One quinoa. Biggie size kale and a detox tea. That’ll be $47. Pull around and wait about an hour.
Oh wait. We did have something like this in Austin. Baby Greens. I think it closed though, probably because I never went there.
Today’s (Feb 7th) food:
Apple
Earl Grey Latte
Chick-Fil A Homophobic chicken evil delicious sammich
HEB sushi with crab, caviar, and white rice
Update: Today I discovered that you actually can get quinoa in a drive-thru. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in the Hancock shopping center sells a protein plate with quinoa. I wasn't really hungry yet, but I got it on principle.
No comments:
Post a Comment