Woof: Emotional Eating

Today, in a workshop, I shared a story about my dog and eating that I think says it all.

My dog, Jackie, is a little darling angel, except when she's not. Though I don't know her whole story, her body says that she had a rough life, most likely with a breeder, before she came to live with me. Like everyone who has been in a rough place, she has baggage to manage. For her, this mostly manifests positively-- she's is behind on love, so she asks/demands love from anyone with a free hand, foot, or snuggle spot on their body. Somehow, she accepts that I have to go to work most days, and is cool with that. BUT if I leave the house outside of that routine, she sometimes feels anxious and upset: who will cuddle her?! When she can't get the pets she seeks, she acts out by eating any nearby paper, and if shit gets real bad, she busts out of her room and digs in the trash.

Jackie, eating her bone, quite emotionally.

Today, when I left for my swim workout, Jackie gave me the eye: "I know you aren't going to work! You could be with me!" Indeed when I came back, she had partaken in both paper and garbage, in order to soothe herself. Because I'm crazy, I had a conversation with her about it:

"Jackie, bad!"

<blank stare>

"Let's talk about this. Mama spends all her money on a limited ingredient venison and sweet potato diet for you."

<blank stare>

"We've worked so hard to find the perfect diet for you! Why would you then turn around and eat GARBAGE?"

As my dog continued to stare at me, I had a thought. I was scolding her for eating MY P.Terry's garbage. I also invest a lot of money and time in eating for my health. While my lettuce wrapped burger with cheese isn't the worst thing I could do to myself, I didn't really eat it for the best reason. I chose to eat that more as a reaction.

As I've learned not to emotionally eat, or eat when I'm not hungry, I've picked up or magnified other self-soothing behaviors, some better than others. I wasn't particularly upset at that moment, but I was a little bored with my choice to stay home and organize my space on a Saturday night. This was in part, because I'm broke till payday. An interesting side effect of having tapped out of money early this month is that, I've never wanted to eat out more. I realized that, like a good American, I get off on consuming. Even just going and buying things I need, like razor blades or cat litter, is satisfying. Shopping often distracts me from my more inward pursuits...and in the absence of it...I wanted to eat--my old standby distraction. Just because I choose far less harmful foods in the past, doesn't mean I'm not still playing out a pattern.

In today's workshop, my nutritionist spoke about eating consciously-- eating when you need to and not for other reasons. One of her suggestions was to ask what you really need. Is it food? Or is it sleep or love or something else?

Slowly, I think I can get my dog to the place where she doesn't eat garbage emotionally. Woof, woof, baby girl-- you and me both!