I recently lost one of my best, and youngest, and sweetest friends to brain cancer. The time between her diagnosis and her passing was so quick, that I, like others, am left with a lot of thinking and reflecting, to accept what has happened, to even accept that it is a thing that happens in the world, but also, to define what Joan meant to me and will continue to mean to me.
Through the magic of bonding and networking, I'm discovering all of the different Joans that existed. So many people connected with her so deeply and treasured her in various ways: Joan Jolt, derby player; Nichole Mikko-Causby, the academic; Nikki, the girlhood pal and daughter; Nichole Sgarlato, the wife and daughter-in-law. In our fast friendship, she had already been several kinds of a friend to me, but one of the most important roles she played in my life, without a doubt, was eatin' buddy. For this reason, I cannot possibly carry on an eatin' blog, without memorializing her here first.
St. Louis 2011
From our very beginning, in Merry St. Louis, we bonded over food. At that time, we were both less conscious of what we ate, so we began with Billy Goat Chips, the barfood pizza at Lemmons, MEAT PIES at The Silver Ballroom, and continued on to daily specials at The Royale on Kingshighway, cookies from Whole Foods, and one of her faves for fish and chips: The Bleeding Deacon, which apparently closed not long after our time in STL (probably we ran them outta beer) but apparently has a cousin, The Crow's Nest, though it can't be as divey good as the Deacon. We ate at the Lemp Mansion (gross, but haunted?), at somewhere delicious in Soulard, and introduced our dogs at the Tower Grove Farmers Market. (Yes. We both came to a seminar with our dogs thus causing us to rent rooms, both in South City, cause that's how we did and why we loved each other quick.)Often, it is so damn MUGGY in STL that it seems like the only thing to do is get a little drunk in an aboveground pool, aka hooz hole. The first time we did this instead of doing the homework for the very academic seminar that had brought us both to the city, we ended up laughing hysterically about how you feed company if you are SOUTHERN, and this is were we cemented our phrase ALL THE FOOD, which was pretty much the motto for the rest of our trip...and our friendship.
At one point, our group took a side trip to Chicago to visit Hull House. I can tell you *some* stuff about Jane Addams, but I can tell you everything that we ate there. I'll just stick with her favorite, which was the hummus from The Parthenon in Greektown. You want to go to there. We quested for ALL THE FOOD in Chicago, but somehow couldn't manage it, so we had our pizza at Pi and our Chicago dogs at Pam's Chicago Style Dogs, both in St. Louis. The picture above is from Pam's where Joan was expressing her sorrow over the end of the Midwestern episode of our eating festival. Damn, I can't believe I remember almost everything we ate. Probably because we relived it a lot. It was not uncommon for us to send texts and whatnot that merely read "meat pie." One more: on the 4th of July, 2011, I made my famous meat cupcakes and she showed me how to mix chicken stock into the mashed potato icing for even more goodness. It was a down home Southern heart attack waiting to happen.
I'm supposed to present at a social studies conference in St. Louis in the fall...actually Joan and I were supposed to present on fashion and feminism, but I'm afraid I'll starve if I go. Though I spent 7 weeks in St. Louis before 2011, we definitely marked that place with our friendship, and I wish I could say I'd celebrate that in person there, but as is, I think I'll just feel the loss:(
Missoula 2012
In March of 2012, I decided to escape Texas for Montana and see my Joan Jolt for a bit-- I know that's backwards weather wise, but I craved some Joan and a trip. It was an interesting trip since she was teaching and working, but we fit in plenty of time for eating and eating. If you are going there, have a bison burger and sweet potato tater tots at Al and Vic's or its upscale neighbor, James Bar. She also took me to the Mullan Station, so I could marvel/hipsterjudge how a restaurant is also a bar that's also a casino that's also a laundromat that's also a convenience store. I don't recommend that for anything other than comedy.Austin July 2012
When Joan Jolt got off the plane, I immediately drove her to the wonder that is Austin's flagship Whole Foods. By this time, we were mostly following paleo-like eating plans and I knew she'd be hungry, plus ZOMG the Whole Foods. I've gotten used to it, like it's a normal place to shop for groceries, but the downtown WF is really outta control for the amount of high-priced goodness. It was great to see this through someone else's eyes again to realize how truly remarkable it is, and how lucky I am to have it, never mind its one million logistical problems. Let me tell you what we ate: she had a rotisserie chicken meal and I had chopped beef on top of a bed of greens, and yes I remember even this mundane meal. Foodwise, the rest of the trip continued like that. We had Tacodeli, followed by Torchy's (where she famously called the queso "cheese dip" :)) followed by Tacodeli. We made our own breakfast...sometimes, grilled while setting up my very own inflatable garage sale hooz hole, and had made our own ceviche at the beach. I showed her what a Whataburger was (#paleofail) and when I dropped her off at the airport, I cried. Right after I told her where to get tacos in the airport. (I prefer the Ray Benson/ Salt Lick taco cart, except they need to offer corn tortillas.)
September 2012
So how did I get her back so quick? I broke my damn leg and I'd break it a hundred more times, if I thought it would bring her back. Since life is fast and full on my watch, she knew how catastrophic this would be for me."How will you eat all the good food? Who will play with the dog? How will you shop?" What kind of friend quits her job and drives down from Montana to cook for you? The Joan kinda friend. I had surgery on 9/4 and Joan was here by 9/11.
We were still indulgent on occasion (see Tacodeli above) but this was where we both discovered first hand how powerful good nutrition is in healing. I had already made a commitment to a year of no fail healthy eating (no, I didn't make it through the hardest year of my life eating totally healthy) and I figured that the leg made this even more important. Joan agreed, and we embarked on a plan. Our plan involved intense and rigid meal planning, since she would be cooking nightly for two people including the next day's lunch, and I would be paying for it all. Meal Planning FTW, especially since Foot Hongry was always happening at first. Fortunately, during the period where I was non-weight bearing, Joan cooked meals ALL THE DAYS. Except when we occasionally picked up food from Chipotle, Zen, Elevation Burger, or Fresa's. The net result was that when I returned to the doc for my 6 week post-surgery follow up, I was Ahead of the curve! The doctors said my bone was healed very strong and ahead of time, by at least several weeks, and my time remaining in the boot got cut from another 6 weeks down to a mere 4. Joan was with me during this appointment, and I know their words made a big impression on her too. There really was no other explanation other than taking good care of myself, foodwise and otherwise. Over the next 6 months we continued to discuss the ways that nutrition affects health, and the many dramas of Seymour related to my nutritional intake: i.e. if I eat bread, Seymour(the foot) don't wanna walk!
I wasn't in the same city with Joan when she was diagnosed with the tumor, and phone contact was a little hard at times, but I know that one of the first things she did was turn to nutrition for answers, to the goodness of whole foods. For this reason, and because my mother taught me that food is what you do when tragedy strikes, the first and only thing I could think to do from afar, was send her a gift card for food. I wish I could have done more, and I wish that anything I could have done would have saved her.It breaks my heart to think of it now, but after a few weeks of radiation, she sent me a message saying "had an 'ahead of the curve Seymour type meeting with my doctors!" She believed in nutrition. It didn't go the way we hoped, but she wasn't wrong though. Food heals.
Missoula 2013
I don't know what to say about this one. I counted it up and I was only ever in the same city with Joan for like 100 days, including these four hard but precious days in Missoula that turned out to be her last days. Even then, it was still about food. Her husband made her smoothies, her mother-in-law brought her kale chips, I made sure she had a non-inflammtory milky milk type drink, her parents fed her, and we all talked about food. She asked for Tacodeli, and I told her I'd get the recipe for the Otto to Montana. I brought her a Thunderbird bar, which caused her to tell me about her Raw Revolution Spirulina bars, and when her dad asked her if she wanted a bite of one, she said, "only if Aimee shares it with me," which I did. She could barely talk, but somehow we all talked about food, and everyone in the room agreed that Joan had influenced their thinking about food. She was my eatin' buddy, and I spent more time eating with her than anyone outside of my family, but she was also everyone's eatin buddy. Someday, all the memories and even this one, will just make me happy, but for now, I write this and I cry in the chocolate aisle.
I try to memorialize Joan at least twice a week by going to Tacodeli for her. If you'd like to participate, here's a list of some other things that I know she'd want you to eat in her honor. If you are a friend of Joan, feel free to add your own in the comments.
Avocados
Mango
Any fresh ingredients smoothie
Any fresh ingredients smoothie
Coconut Creamer
Ice cream ala Joan-- mashed frozen bananas with dark dark chocolate shavings
Ice cream ala Joan-- mashed frozen bananas with dark dark chocolate shavings
Kale Kale Kale
Coffee Coffee Coffee
A lot
A lot